Wednesday, Dec 17, 2008

I have my 3rd block tomorrow, be at the hospital for 630 am.

First was successful, in that I had some reduction in pain.Second was completely unsuccessful.

So, this is the tie breaker. If it works this go 'round, we'll go again...if it doesn't...that's it, end of the line, everyone off.

Specialist is talking more narcotics...including methadone.

I'm really not wanting to start down that particular level of hell, tyvm. Being a stoned zombie, incapable of parenting doesn't seem like an option to me. But when its bad, I'd take anything shoved my way. Not a great place to be.

Hoping that this works, even just the tiniest amount. I so don't want to be on narcotics. Really really really don't. Both my maternal grandparents were/are alcoholics and the addiction potential scares the living crap out of me. I've been told, repeatedly, that 'you can't be an addict when you're needing the meds for pain management, its only if you're taking them without cause...' But that doesn't make much sense to me. Your body gets dependant, the reasons why don't matter.

I can't be stoned outta my gourd and be a wife and mother. I won't do that to my family.

Pray, vibe, whatever you've got that this shows some positive results...cause the options suck.